beauty, Inspiration, love, Poetry, quotes, relationships, Uncategorized

Healing

 

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The only real love I ever felt was from God, there were no strings attached. He didn’t

want anything from me, just to trust Him.

My faith went up and down like a yo-yo. One day I’m all in, the next I was out. I had trust issues with people, and that spilled over into my relationship with God.

I doubt myself. As a Christian I feel like we aren’t given the opportunity to relish in our pain, because it denies what we believe in. We are suppose to cast our cares on Him and give our burdens to God. When we give it to God it’s not ours to worry about anymore. Well if I worry about things that I gave to God did I really give it to Him? It’s hard to let go to what you are attached to. I will never understand this, but I pray that He will heal my hurt. The hurt doesn’t go away over night, but all wounds heal, don’t they?

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Inspiration, love, Poetry, Uncategorized

Something borrowed.

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Streaks of golden vanilla rays seeped through rippled cloud strips, masking the powdered blue sky.

Fate was an invisible extension cord that travelled miles across state lines, keeping its distance, but never to leave her.

Her only comfort was knowing that we couldn’t take anything from this world once we left it.
Maybe God’s way of reminding us of having no attachments.
Now it was time to return what she had borrowed.
beauty, Inspiration, love, Poetry, Uncategorized

Goodbye

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Crazy enough to manifest a dream so far fetched that only you and I could see.

Painted in forever, so in the end, meant to be.

Call me nuts but hope still lives inside of me.

To a day we’d grow old, hand in hand, lips to cheek.

Forehead to heart, just buried in your arms.

A comfort I’m not willing to leave, no false alarms.

Looking at what else I could just change about myself.

If I’m not perfect enough for you, I don’t want anyone else.

Praying heavy, so may take awhile to reach the skies.

A vision of what you can’t see, right before your eyes.

And if I lied, then, I apologize.

Hurting you to hurt myself, masochist in disguise.

On the outside looking in, to a place that’s been replaced.

Current position on the bench, and all I can do is wait.

Waiting until you’re happily married, I’d get it.

Full house, six kids, I’d bet it.

Your love, I’m forever indebted.

No goodbyes for now, just see you later.

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Clearly It Was Me

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Sorry to disappoint you with my measure of mistakes.

I admit my faults, swallow my pride and openly take blame.

Too much time spent back and forth arguing our case.

I wave my flag, surrendered hands, to clear this toxic space.

Will I ever change? How can I make things right?

A simple request unanswered buried under drunken delight.

When the hummingbird hums and the canary sings.

Why can’t we as humans live, instead of only existing?

Wisdom comes to those who seek and surely they will find.

To plan ahead amidst circumstances can ease a troubled mind.

So this day I raise my head and shout out my decree.

Forgive me for my offense to you, clearly it was me.

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Mirror, Mirror.

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Seeing herself for the first time in that full length mirror was like winning a game of lost and found. A transformation so far away it deemed impossible. Her hair was no longer bone straight, but a fuzzy, curly puff, like the cotton filling from a stuffed animal.

 

She was two years shy from approaching the ten-year gap. Like a felon being released from prison. Life on the outside had taken on a brand new meaning.

 

The music tinged a vibration so deep in the soul that no type of drug could make any similar alterations.

 

Things were meant to just be. Fact or fiction.

 

She leaned in closer to the screen. Her feet on the legs of the stool, now turned office desk. Her fingers swarming against the keyboard. Crouched down like a frog on the bank in her room.

 

Not thinking about how everyone else would think. She moved different. Wasn’t worried about a thing.

 

The decision was up to her. She knew what could make him tick and soon enough he’d be bold enough to break up with her. The only difference would be now. He knew where she lived. Where her family lived. But at this point was she allowed to be mad at him? They’d only seen each other for one week. It was a new can of frustration. Something that wasn’t as easy as it seemed. The only common ground was meeting in the middle, calling it quits. As short lived as some new year’s resolution. She had come to terms that she would be alone. And thoughts were the wrong companion for her. Memories flourished like a manicured garden. Her senses heightened by a fragrant nostalgia. A reality taken over by a holographic picture.

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I ❤️ NY

My relationship with New York 🗽 is no surprise. I spent entire 20s there pretty much and loved every bit of it. New York is partially responsible for who I am today. It’s gritty, crazy, congested, and down right beautiful. This photo was taken in 2011 in the East Village at Mar’s Bar 🍻(which is permanently closed), by a photographer who just so happened to be in the bar also. I like this shot because it’s raw and most certainly real. No one is posed and we all seem to be in our own little worlds. Everything about this photo is different but it just works. This was a time in my life where I was trying to figure out who I wanted to be and what path I needed to take. It’s never a bad idea for some self reflection 💗.

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9 out of 10

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Surrounded by my thoughts and still a long way from home.

Walked up and down the block to find what I had lost was now gone.

Am I wrong to keep fighting for all that I want?

Or give up and call it quits and live my life in the dumps.

I’m duped, I puked, and the remnant’s still there.

Like the bitter taste of fear that held you back for some years.

I’ve got my mind made up they can’t brainwash me again.

If l leave my soul in their hands, then I’m officially dead.

No feeling sorry for myself, I just shake the dirt off.

Like a hurt dog I lick my wounds, then count my wins and my losses.

Confused because I know the life that I want.

But every time I’m dealt my cards, I fold, let’s be upfront.

I never asked to be here but I have purpose now.

And anyone that comes between it, is more like an enemy now.

Not making any threats

I’ll keep placing my bets

And regardless of my prayer I’ll just wish for the best.