Broken hearts felt like dried thorns pricking at the soles of bare feet. It was a dark love, a dark world. She didn’t mean any harm. A momentary relief etching beauty towards bright lights. She had a mind full of questions with equal answers, yet there were still doubts. She paid her dues with cold hard passion ignited by sparks of fury and weakness. What was left were memories. Good, bad, and flighty ones, the ones we tried to forget. The truth made an appearance through words laced in silk, dripping from the lips as sweet as honey. The worries kept her up past midnight and only made sleep look like a distant dream. She wanted parts of him to make her feel whole, to fill the emptiness that had been there long before. She would only question her own motives and analyze intentions played by both parties. Time was too much of a valuable thing, and to waste it was ludicrous. She took on the challenge with vigor and made sound reason in that judgement. She had to wait for the suffering to end. The pain cut deeper than a slit wrist, and stung like a wound being cleaned by an alcohol soaked pad.
She might have lost the only friend she thought she knew so well, but it was for her own good. It would be months before she could muster any courage for contact. It was better if he didn’t exist. Saddening but true.
She wanted to travel to an outer galaxy with no one but him. He promised her riches on the finest china and offered great bearings of lavished gifts. The inconsistencies went unnoticed for some time. It carted scraps of blood, sweat, and tears into revolving doors of eternal agitation.
It was like having too much air but you still couldn’t breathe. The dark was comfortable and easy. It became a habit of believing the lies. She didn’t want to see it. She didn’t want to end it.
* * *
It was nights like this when I’d write. Bloodshot eyes, whiskey on my breath, and a joint in the hand to help me relax. I’m also typing this with my right hand. A few mistakes but well worth the few puffs I get in before the fire dies out. It’s 3:51 in the mornin’. I miss him like the heavens miss a fallen angel. You feel bad for it up until a certain point. The cats are fed and the dog is filled with poo. Can’t sleep, what am I to do? I made a mistake and prepared for the best, but in my own interest. This joint is working its voodoo. I’m tired now. Goodnight. Ashes, ashes, we all fall down.
Pardon my excuses, results of damage, post abuses.
I spent my last dime chasing that fast high.
My conscience, a goody two shoes.
Constant battle, bad temper, short fuse.
There’s more than what meets the eye.
Years of issue wrapped up nice.
Closed eyes grant instant escape.
Temporary fix, short getaway.
In fear I falter, no recognizance of what’s right.
I pity my nights I lost; no sleep.
The truth had shown the light.
Could I move on with what I know now,
Simply forget the rest?
Woe is me, this life I chose.
My worries I lay to rest.
Where do you start?
The urge to move forward but the fear of where to go.
The frustration begins and slowly takes its toll.
Eating you alive from the inside you panic.
Wondering how to contain this endless manic.
In every direction, running every which way.
The course grows longer day after day.
Only those who endure finish as they patiently wait.
No matter how tough or what fears come their way.
Just a couple of minutes to think of what’s next.
Time is limited so you better be quick.
More valuable than gold.
Worth more than money.
It’s all we have, but we think we have plenty.
We share it with those we love and even some we don’t.
We can’t get it back no matter what.
Enjoy what’s left because it will run out.
Stop wasting my time.