Broken hearts felt like dried thorns pricking at the soles of bare feet. It was a dark love, a dark world. She didn’t mean any harm. A momentary relief etching beauty towards bright lights. She had a mind full of questions with equal answers, yet there were still doubts. She paid her dues with cold hard passion ignited by sparks of fury and weakness. What was left were memories. Good, bad, and flighty ones, the ones we tried to forget. The truth made an appearance through words laced in silk, dripping from the lips as sweet as honey. The worries kept her up past midnight and only made sleep look like a distant dream. She wanted parts of him to make her feel whole, to fill the emptiness that had been there long before. She would only question her own motives and analyze intentions played by both parties. Time was too much of a valuable thing, and to waste it was ludicrous. She took on the challenge with vigor and made sound reason in that judgement. She had to wait for the suffering to end. The pain cut deeper than a slit wrist, and stung like a wound being cleaned by an alcohol soaked pad.
She might have lost the only friend she thought she knew so well, but it was for her own good. It would be months before she could muster any courage for contact. It was better if he didn’t exist. Saddening but true.
She wanted to travel to an outer galaxy with no one but him. He promised her riches on the finest china and offered great bearings of lavished gifts. The inconsistencies went unnoticed for some time. It carted scraps of blood, sweat, and tears into revolving doors of eternal agitation.
It was like having too much air but you still couldn’t breathe. The dark was comfortable and easy. It became a habit of believing the lies. She didn’t want to see it. She didn’t want to end it.
* * *
It was nights like this when I’d write. Bloodshot eyes, whiskey on my breath, and a joint in the hand to help me relax. I’m also typing this with my right hand. A few mistakes but well worth the few puffs I get in before the fire dies out. It’s 3:51 in the mornin’. I miss him like the heavens miss a fallen angel. You feel bad for it up until a certain point. The cats are fed and the dog is filled with poo. Can’t sleep, what am I to do? I made a mistake and prepared for the best, but in my own interest. This joint is working its voodoo. I’m tired now. Goodnight. Ashes, ashes, we all fall down.
Pick up the nearest book and flip to page 29. What jumps out at you? Start there, and try a twist: write in the form of a letter.
My word was normal.
Who freakin’ is? Well not me that’s for sure and I don’t intend on ever being that way. With that said have a great Friday everyone.
I just wanted to take a moment and thank you for never giving up on me.
I just wanted to take a moment and let you hear exactly what you mean to me.
I just wanted to take a moment and thank God for bringing me to you.
I just wanted to take a moment and express my love for you.
I just wanted to take a moment and let you know you’re the apple of my eye.
I just wanted to take a moment and tell you my reasons why.
I just wanted to take a moment to tell you I love you for being more than my best friend.
I just wanted to take a moment and pray that these moments will never end.
Maybe we are all super messed up, some more than others.
We strive so hard to be normal but we can’t hide our differences.
Where is this confusion that we must be perfect?
Our abnormalities make us who we are and attracts others to us.
Don’t succumb to perfection when imperfect is what you are.
Keep smiling and keep your sanity.