Can’t Sleep…

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It was nights like this when I’d write. Bloodshot eyes, whiskey on my breath, and a joint in the hand to help me relax. I’m also typing this with my right hand. A few mistakes but well worth the few puffs I get in before the fire dies out. It’s 3:51 in the mornin’. I miss him like the heavens miss a fallen angel. You feel bad for it up until a certain point. The cats are fed and the dog is filled with poo. Can’t sleep, what am I to do? I made a mistake and prepared for the best, but in my own interest. This joint is working its voodoo. I’m tired now. Goodnight. Ashes, ashes, we all fall down.

Birthday Wishes

Wow, still trying to process that today is my birthday.. (low key freak out session going on in my head right now, mashed together with feelings of joy, unbelief and GRATITUDE!)

*cues Drake & Soulja Boy – “We Made It” in the background while proceeding to nae nae*

Okay,  now before l thank all of you lovely people, first, let me take a selfie.

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(Ahem) Now that we’ve got that taken care of. . .

I would like to thank  everyone for sending me best regards, (even if you haven’t yet..j/k) whether it be a phone call, text message, Facebook post, email, or birthday card, I really do appreciate it. I feel like I’ve won the Science Fair or an Oscar and failed to prepare a speech. (Not implying in any way that I assumed I should be dead by now, but in the world we live in today.. you never know.)

Uhh, yeah.. back to non-morbid matters…

When people ask me what I want for my birthday or how I’d like to celebrate it, I find that as I get older (and yes my anti-aging queens, we all do) my list gets smaller and smaller. I mean I can only wear so many bundles of Brazilian body wave at one time,  and by the way thanks for the card filled with money Mom and Dad. Will you guys be able to send checks six months from now, if I don’t renew my lease?!

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All jokes aside, I have been blessed with more than I could ever imagine. I may not have won uh… (we’ll just use Oscar for consistency purposes) an Oscar but being able to see another year feels pretty darn good dagnabbit!!

With age comes wisdom and I believe that is the greatest gift one can ever receive, well besides Jesus Christ. (this isn’t up for debate and if you don’t know him you are missing out!) And the church said “Amen”.

*Woosah*

I told myself I wasn’t going to preach today.

Nevertheless, I am so honored to be alive another year and can’t wait to see what the future has in store for me. Thanks again for the Birthday wishes and God bless.

#theManupstairsisnotdonewithmeyet #dontbelievemejustwatch #turntbecauseitsmybirthday #thatswhyilovehimlikeido #dontyoujustlovehashtags #crazycapricorn #brainwashedbeauty

Giants

When I think about this year and what lies ahead, it makes me a little nervous. I do believe that positive things will happen for me and that no matter what, in the end everything will be okay. It gets hard not to doubt about what the future may bring when nothing is promised. Setbacks and people will always steer you off course, but you have to remain diligent despite adversity. In fact it’s your greatest weapon, your only weapon. When the going gets tough, the tough get going, it’s human nature. Even if it’s one step at a time, big or small, keep moving. Beat the giant, whatever or whoever it is, that is in the way of your destiny.

      -You are wonderful.

   -You are beautiful.

-You are awesome.

   -You are a fighter.

     -You deserve the best.

Art of Perfection, What are we living for? Our Struggle to Greatness…

Daily I’m finding ways to challenge myself for more. When I start feeling comfortable with the way things are going I feel the need to create chaos. Why does life always feel like a race? Constantly we strive for perfection because the world says perfection is happiness. You need a good paying job to make more money so you can live in a huge mansion and drive a luxury car. That’s what life is about and that’s what’s going to make us happy. Right? We are flawed beings and that’s what makes us human. This never ending race for the “superficial happy life” is wearing me out. As I become more self-aware and honest with myself I am noticing that this concept of time is a limiting belief. We get so caught up in the future and what we want in the long run that we miss the present. I’m learning to live in the now and enjoy each day. Growing up in a very religious household played a big part on my journey to greatness. As a Christian I was taught that how we lived on earth determined whether we go to heaven or hell when we die. Knowing that my eternal fate depended upon the way I lived, I kept my focus on doing everything right  so I would go to heaven. I was living my life in fear  and not really living because I needed to be this perfect Christian. Now I know that isn’t the case. God wants us to live in the present and focus on today. He isn’t this disciplinarian who only sees black and white. How I live my life now will shape my future. This struggle for greatness is nothing more than an illusion that distracts us from the present. We need to get comfortable with being comfortable. I hope this message leaves you well and that you all get what you want out of life.

Writing 101: Third Time’s the Charm

Imagine you had a job in which you had to sift through forgotten or lost belongings. Describe a day in which you come upon something peculiar, or tell a story about something interesting you find in a pile.

“Lost & Found”

Four days ago I ended a temp job two months earlier than I was contracted for, without warning. I was disappointed in the abrupt departure but there was nothing I could do. If the company could keep me they would but at this time they couldn’t. I spent the next few days working on my resume and filling out applications. I questioned God with why he would allow this to happen to me especially when I had a good report from my supervisor and the department. I didn’t feel like he was listening. All I could do was pray and keep applying. Today I went on my first interview, which was for the same position, at a different company that also specialized in the same field as my prior. To make a long story short, the interview went well… I start tomorrow!!!! I couldn’t believe what had just happened. I lost my job four days ago without notice only to land a job a few days later. Oh and can I say that the pay is $11 more than what I was making before. This is my lost and found story. I learned to put my trust in God because he will always have something better in store for me. Patience and faith are key when you are not sure of why things happen. Trust him because he wants to give you the best and more than you could ever ask for.