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It was nights like this when I’d write. Bloodshot eyes, whiskey on my breath, and a joint in the hand to help me relax. I’m also typing this with my right hand. A few mistakes but well worth the few puffs I get in before the fire dies out. It’s 3:51 in the mornin’. I miss him like the heavens miss a fallen angel. You feel bad for it up until a certain point. The cats are fed and the dog is filled with poo. Can’t sleep, what am I to do? I made a mistake and prepared for the best, but in my own interest. This joint is working its voodoo. I’m tired now. Goodnight. Ashes, ashes, we all fall down.
….slap the s*** out of you.
People will push you, if you let them.
Disregard you, with intention.
Get upset at you, if you address them.
Then question what went wrong when it was them all along…..
When I think about this year and what lies ahead, it makes me a little nervous. I do believe that positive things will happen for me and that no matter what, in the end everything will be okay. It gets hard not to doubt about what the future may bring when nothing is promised. Setbacks and people will always steer you off course, but you have to remain diligent despite adversity. In fact it’s your greatest weapon, your only weapon. When the going gets tough, the tough get going, it’s human nature. Even if it’s one step at a time, big or small, keep moving. Beat the giant, whatever or whoever it is, that is in the way of your destiny.
-You are wonderful.
-You are beautiful.
-You are awesome.
-You are a fighter.
-You deserve the best.
Pardon my excuses, results of damage, post abuses.
I spent my last dime chasing that fast high.
My conscience, a goody two shoes.
Constant battle, bad temper, short fuse.
There’s more than what meets the eye.
Years of issue wrapped up nice.
Closed eyes grant instant escape.
Temporary fix, short getaway.
Daily I’m finding ways to challenge myself for more. When I start feeling comfortable with the way things are going I feel the need to create chaos. Why does life always feel like a race? Constantly we strive for perfection because the world says perfection is happiness. You need a good paying job to make more money so you can live in a huge mansion and drive a luxury car. That’s what life is about and that’s what’s going to make us happy. Right? We are flawed beings and that’s what makes us human. This never ending race for the “superficial happy life” is wearing me out. As I become more self-aware and honest with myself I am noticing that this concept of time is a limiting belief. We get so caught up in the future and what we want in the long run that we miss the present. I’m learning to live in the now and enjoy each day. Growing up in a very religious household played a big part on my journey to greatness. As a Christian I was taught that how we lived on earth determined whether we go to heaven or hell when we die. Knowing that my eternal fate depended upon the way I lived, I kept my focus on doing everything right so I would go to heaven. I was living my life in fear and not really living because I needed to be this perfect Christian. Now I know that isn’t the case. God wants us to live in the present and focus on today. He isn’t this disciplinarian who only sees black and white. How I live my life now will shape my future. This struggle for greatness is nothing more than an illusion that distracts us from the present. We need to get comfortable with being comfortable. I hope this message leaves you well and that you all get what you want out of life.