Can’t Sleep…

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It was nights like this when I’d write. Bloodshot eyes, whiskey on my breath, and a joint in the hand to help me relax. I’m also typing this with my right hand. A few mistakes but well worth the few puffs I get in before the fire dies out. It’s 3:51 in the mornin’. I miss him like the heavens miss a fallen angel. You feel bad for it up until a certain point. The cats are fed and the dog is filled with poo. Can’t sleep, what am I to do? I made a mistake and prepared for the best, but in my own interest. This joint is working its voodoo. I’m tired now. Goodnight. Ashes, ashes, we all fall down.

Giants

When I think about this year and what lies ahead, it makes me a little nervous. I do believe that positive things will happen for me and that no matter what, in the end everything will be okay. It gets hard not to doubt about what the future may bring when nothing is promised. Setbacks and people will always steer you off course, but you have to remain diligent despite adversity. In fact it’s your greatest weapon, your only weapon. When the going gets tough, the tough get going, it’s human nature. Even if it’s one step at a time, big or small, keep moving. Beat the giant, whatever or whoever it is, that is in the way of your destiny.

      -You are wonderful.

   -You are beautiful.

-You are awesome.

   -You are a fighter.

     -You deserve the best.

Missed

The girls got a knife in her hand.

Just waiting while she sits, thinks, and ponders her plan.

Taking her life away she makes March 10th her very last day.

Missing out on her dreams and her plans, for a breakup over a silly young man.

He didn’t want her for her beautiful charm or the bracelet she would wear on her arm.

Not thinking she’d be devastated by this, in a soon moment she would be dearly missed.

Slitting her wrist just to get a taste of the pain.

She cries thinking she’s the one to blame.

All of a sudden she hears a knock at the door

“Go away!” She yells. As they knock on some more.

“Just give me a minute I’ll be out real soon.”

The clock was ticking to her approaching doom.

She takes four rounds to the head.

Stabs herself, falls near the side of her bed.

Looks unconscious, but she’s only dead.

None of her friends knew where her future lead.

She didn’t leave a letter, just a simple note.

Yeah it was real painful to read what she wrote.

“Never treat people like this, because you never know when they’ll be truly missed.”

Art of Perfection, What are we living for? Our Struggle to Greatness…

Daily I’m finding ways to challenge myself for more. When I start feeling comfortable with the way things are going I feel the need to create chaos. Why does life always feel like a race? Constantly we strive for perfection because the world says perfection is happiness. You need a good paying job to make more money so you can live in a huge mansion and drive a luxury car. That’s what life is about and that’s what’s going to make us happy. Right? We are flawed beings and that’s what makes us human. This never ending race for the “superficial happy life” is wearing me out. As I become more self-aware and honest with myself I am noticing that this concept of time is a limiting belief. We get so caught up in the future and what we want in the long run that we miss the present. I’m learning to live in the now and enjoy each day. Growing up in a very religious household played a big part on my journey to greatness. As a Christian I was taught that how we lived on earth determined whether we go to heaven or hell when we die. Knowing that my eternal fate depended upon the way I lived, I kept my focus on doing everything right  so I would go to heaven. I was living my life in fear  and not really living because I needed to be this perfect Christian. Now I know that isn’t the case. God wants us to live in the present and focus on today. He isn’t this disciplinarian who only sees black and white. How I live my life now will shape my future. This struggle for greatness is nothing more than an illusion that distracts us from the present. We need to get comfortable with being comfortable. I hope this message leaves you well and that you all get what you want out of life.

It Could Always be worse

Today I really don’t feel like writing but I know it’s the only outlet I have right now. I’m a bit emotional today as I write this post, I feel anxious. Most of my life I battled with severe depression and several years ago I was treated for it. I’m a glass half full kind of person but there are times my optimism deserts me. Growing up I was raised to see the world as being black and white, no in between, no gray areas. As I challenged my superiors with questions of why this and why that, I saw myself disagreeing with many things I was told. There are no right or wrong choices in life, there are just choices. Whatever reasoning we use to make those choices are at our own discretion. I’m afraid of commitment with ANYTHING, but when I do commit and I don’t see the rewards, my frustration builds. I put my heart and soul into people because that’s how I am, but it could always be worse.

Dear Fear

Hey Fear,

What you up to? Causing trouble in someone’s life I’m sure. Well I won’t take up too much of your time. I’m actually quite busy these days, no thanks to you. Anyway, I just wanted to inform you that our relationship is over as of right now. You are not the boss of me and you can no longer control me. I choose to live this day and the rest of my life FEARLESS!! Capisce? I know this may come as a shock to you because I never had the balls to stand up to you. Well as you can see things are different now. Now don’t try contacting me after this, my friends Faith and Trust get a little protective when it comes to me. Sayonara Bitch!

Love,

Your Worst Enemy