The Liar

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Broken hearts felt like dried thorns pricking at the soles of bare feet. It was a dark love, a dark world. She didn’t mean any harm. A momentary relief etching beauty towards bright lights. She had a mind full of questions with equal answers, yet there were still doubts. She paid her dues with cold hard passion ignited by sparks of fury and weakness.  What was left were memories. Good, bad, and flighty ones, the ones we tried to forget. The truth made an appearance through words laced in silk, dripping from the lips as sweet as honey. The worries kept her up past midnight and only made sleep look like a distant dream. She wanted parts of him to make her feel whole, to fill the emptiness that had been there long before. She would only question her own motives and analyze intentions played by both parties. Time was too much of a valuable thing, and to waste it was ludicrous. She took on the challenge with vigor and made sound reason in that judgement. She had to wait for  the suffering to end. The pain cut deeper than a slit wrist, and stung like a wound being cleaned by an alcohol soaked pad.

She might have lost the only friend she thought she knew so well, but it  was for her own good. It would be months before she could muster any courage for contact. It was better if he didn’t exist. Saddening but true.

She wanted to travel to an outer galaxy with no one but him. He promised her riches on the finest china and offered great bearings of lavished gifts. The inconsistencies went unnoticed for some time. It carted scraps of blood, sweat, and tears into revolving doors of eternal agitation.

It was like having too much air but you still couldn’t breathe. The dark was comfortable and easy. It became a habit of believing the lies. She didn’t want to see it. She didn’t want to end it.

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Can’t Sleep…

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It was nights like this when I’d write. Bloodshot eyes, whiskey on my breath, and a joint in the hand to help me relax. I’m also typing this with my right hand. A few mistakes but well worth the few puffs I get in before the fire dies out. It’s 3:51 in the mornin’. I miss him like the heavens miss a fallen angel. You feel bad for it up until a certain point. The cats are fed and the dog is filled with poo. Can’t sleep, what am I to do? I made a mistake and prepared for the best, but in my own interest. This joint is working its voodoo. I’m tired now. Goodnight. Ashes, ashes, we all fall down.

Birthday Wishes

Wow, still trying to process that today is my birthday.. (low key freak out session going on in my head right now, mashed together with feelings of joy, unbelief and GRATITUDE!)

*cues Drake & Soulja Boy – “We Made It” in the background while proceeding to nae nae*

Okay,  now before l thank all of you lovely people, first, let me take a selfie.

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(Ahem) Now that we’ve got that taken care of. . .

I would like to thank  everyone for sending me best regards, (even if you haven’t yet..j/k) whether it be a phone call, text message, Facebook post, email, or birthday card, I really do appreciate it. I feel like I’ve won the Science Fair or an Oscar and failed to prepare a speech. (Not implying in any way that I assumed I should be dead by now, but in the world we live in today.. you never know.)

Uhh, yeah.. back to non-morbid matters…

When people ask me what I want for my birthday or how I’d like to celebrate it, I find that as I get older (and yes my anti-aging queens, we all do) my list gets smaller and smaller. I mean I can only wear so many bundles of Brazilian body wave at one time,  and by the way thanks for the card filled with money Mom and Dad. Will you guys be able to send checks six months from now, if I don’t renew my lease?!

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All jokes aside, I have been blessed with more than I could ever imagine. I may not have won uh… (we’ll just use Oscar for consistency purposes) an Oscar but being able to see another year feels pretty darn good dagnabbit!!

With age comes wisdom and I believe that is the greatest gift one can ever receive, well besides Jesus Christ. (this isn’t up for debate and if you don’t know him you are missing out!) And the church said “Amen”.

*Woosah*

I told myself I wasn’t going to preach today.

Nevertheless, I am so honored to be alive another year and can’t wait to see what the future has in store for me. Thanks again for the Birthday wishes and God bless.

#theManupstairsisnotdonewithmeyet #dontbelievemejustwatch #turntbecauseitsmybirthday #thatswhyilovehimlikeido #dontyoujustlovehashtags #crazycapricorn #brainwashedbeauty