Can’t Sleep…

*  * *

It was nights like this when I’d write. Bloodshot eyes, whiskey on my breath, and a joint in the hand to help me relax. I’m also typing this with my right hand. A few mistakes but well worth the few puffs I get in before the fire dies out. It’s 3:51 in the mornin’. I miss him like the heavens miss a fallen angel. You feel bad for it up until a certain point. The cats are fed and the dog is filled with poo. Can’t sleep, what am I to do? I made a mistake and prepared for the best, but in my own interest. This joint is working its voodoo. I’m tired now. Goodnight. Ashes, ashes, we all fall down.

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Pardon My Excuses

Pardon my excuses, results of damage, post abuses.

I spent my last dime chasing that fast high.

 My conscience, a goody two shoes.
 
Constant battle, bad temper, short fuse.
 
There’s more than what meets the eye.
 
Years of issue wrapped up nice.
 
Closed eyes grant instant escape.
 
Temporary fix, short getaway.

Alive

Single-heartedly driven

no cure for it prescription.

Out of my mind,

mentally challenged,

but daily persistence.

My universe is different

no Einstein but gifted.

Decipher genetic code,

in my blood it’s imprinted.

Crucify the wicked,

all sin judged, no different.

We throw stones

claiming we’re the

righteously living.

My downfalls forgiven,

clean slate brand new vision.

Fighting not to survive

but to feel more alive.

Art of Perfection, What are we living for? Our Struggle to Greatness…

Daily I’m finding ways to challenge myself for more. When I start feeling comfortable with the way things are going I feel the need to create chaos. Why does life always feel like a race? Constantly we strive for perfection because the world says perfection is happiness. You need a good paying job to make more money so you can live in a huge mansion and drive a luxury car. That’s what life is about and that’s what’s going to make us happy. Right? We are flawed beings and that’s what makes us human. This never ending race for the “superficial happy life” is wearing me out. As I become more self-aware and honest with myself I am noticing that this concept of time is a limiting belief. We get so caught up in the future and what we want in the long run that we miss the present. I’m learning to live in the now and enjoy each day. Growing up in a very religious household played a big part on my journey to greatness. As a Christian I was taught that how we lived on earth determined whether we go to heaven or hell when we die. Knowing that my eternal fate depended upon the way I lived, I kept my focus on doing everything right  so I would go to heaven. I was living my life in fear  and not really living because I needed to be this perfect Christian. Now I know that isn’t the case. God wants us to live in the present and focus on today. He isn’t this disciplinarian who only sees black and white. How I live my life now will shape my future. This struggle for greatness is nothing more than an illusion that distracts us from the present. We need to get comfortable with being comfortable. I hope this message leaves you well and that you all get what you want out of life.

Writing 101: Hone Your Point of View

Craft a story from the perspective of a twelve-year-old observing it all. For your twist, focus on specific character qualities, drawing from elements we’ve worked on in this course, like voice and dialogue.

Mama asked me to watch Floyd and Luke fa her while she made supper fa us. Daddy wasn’t home yet but he be comin soon. I always had to look afta my brothers, they always knew how to find trouble. Me and Joyce and them could barely talk about how cute Henry Ellis looked at school today without them little rascals interrupting. Today they wasn’t the only one interrupting. That man with the nice black suit, who come around once a month was at Mrs. Pauley’s house with a police man. It look like Mrs. Pauley got herself into some trouble. I don’t know what they was doing to her but she was crying and readin some papers that the man with the nice black suit gave her. Mr. Pauley went to be with the Lord few months back and mama said Mrs. Pauley been having hard times by herself. I only seent Freddie and Jack come around and visit I wonder where the rest of them boys of hers are. When mama makes pie on Sunday she makes me take Mrs. Pauley a piece, she always invite me inside, ask me how school is. She always gives me three peppermints for me and my brothers and a note to give mama. I wish I knew how to help her right now. Daddy was finally pulling up and I know he would help Mrs. Pauley.

“Daddy, daddy!” I rant up and hugged him pointing at Mrs. Pauley’s house.

He picked me up and gave me a kiss smiling as he turned his head and put me down.

“I know baby, I see it,” he said. “Go on and get your brothers and go inside.”

“You gon’ help Mrs. Pauley?” Poking my lip out with my left hand on my hip.

“Yes sweetie, I will.”

I gave him the biggest hug and a warm smile, I knew everything was going to be okay.

“Floyd… Luke… supper ready!!!”

So To Speak…

In fear I falter, no recognizance of what’s right.

I pity my nights I lost; no sleep.

The truth had shown the light.

Could I move on with what I know now,

Simply forget the rest?

Woe is me, this life I chose. 

My worries I lay to rest.

TheThinker